


The Wedding

by impudent_strumpet, Masked_Man_2



Category: Othello - Shakespeare
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And it's a crackfic, Angst and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Crush, Bawdy, Bawdy Humor, Bed-Wetting, Canon Het Relationship, Canon Related, Celtic Thunder reference, Clumsiness, Co-Written, Crack, Crack and Angst, Crash Landing, Cute Ending, Dancing, Dick Jokes, Drinking, Drinking Songs, Drunk Dancing, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Family, Fights, Fist Fights, Flashbacks, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Fluffy Ending, For a Friend, Gen, Gintama reference, Heavy Drinking, Hog school, Humor, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Inappropriate Humor, Just Married, Just doing what I want, Lols, Marriage, Married Couple, Modern Era, My first finished series, No Plot/Plotless, Nonsense, Nor do I really care, Not Canon Compliant, Omkara reference, Party, Pure freakin crack, Sexual Humor, Shirtless, Silly, Slapstick, Slow Dancing, Sort Of, Stripping, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Lust, Wedding Reception, Wedding Rings, Weddings, Wow, anime reference, breaking stuff, newlyweds, this is really just crack, wedding disaster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2018-12-24 06:05:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12006627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impudent_strumpet/pseuds/impudent_strumpet, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masked_Man_2/pseuds/Masked_Man_2
Summary: Roderigo being Roderigo...at Iago's and Emilia's wedding.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Masked_Man_2](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masked_Man_2/gifts).



> Hey, Shakespeare fans! This is a crackfic solely intended to poke all the fun at Roderigo I possibly can, originally meant over three months ago for Masked_Man_2's birthday, but...things happened. Sorry, though, fam! Here, finally, is Chapter 1, and the next few chapters should be up soon, too :D
> 
> Many thanks to Masked_Man_2 for helping a LOT with this, including almost all of the dialogue. You're the best!
> 
> WARNING: PURE, UNADULTERATED CRACK AHEAD. AND A LOT OF REALLY IMMATURE JOKES. XD

The bright glow of the risen sun awoke Roderigo that morning, high in the sky as it always was when he woke up. It was late morning, probably around noon, but Roderigo really did not want to get up. The sheets were so soft and comfortable around him, aside from a warm wetness that he often woke up in.  
  
He turned slightly, the sheets crinkling around him, then noticed a letter on his nightstand. He squinted at it in confusion. What was that again...?  
  
He picked it up and brought it closer to him, but his vision was moist and blurry. With a stubby finger, he wiped the moisture and crust from his eyes. But even so, he still found he could not read the print on the letter. It was in small, dark, fine calligraphy, and...appeared to be written in some strange language or dialect.  
  
He looked to what appeared to be the header, as it was in larger, bolder print and was located at the bottom of the letter for some odd reason. Perhaps this was a different custom of writing letters for the people who spoke this language. He found himself able to make out some of the words...or so he thought...this language looked almost like English upside-down...  
  
Then that one word struck him.  
  
**_Wedding._**  
  
Wedding! Iago's and Emilia's wedding was today!  
  
Roderigo leaped out of bed then, stumbling as he did and grabbing onto a chair to steady himself. Then he snatched at the ruff he had set aside to wear and looped it around his neck...until he realized he still had his nightshirt on. He pulled his nightshirt up then, frantic and desperate, but he couldn't see! The ruff was in the way, smothering him, pressed against his face, the fabric of his nightshirt chafing up against it, so rough and so loud, now it was all blurry and fuzzy and hot and faint and he couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe--  
  
Then, miraculously, the nightshirt came off. Roderigo let out a deep, heaving breath then, the ruff no longer suffocating him but not on his neck, either... He looked around the room for a moment, until he felt a tightness around his head and realized it was there. That made sense. It must have been where the ruff was meant to be worn. Why would it be worn around the neck, where it could so easily endanger the wearer? He had been a fool to think that was where it was to be donned.  
  
Remembering the hurry he was in, Roderigo clasped frantically at his shirt and doublet, yanking them both on at the same time. The ruff on his head had been upset by this, and the shirt was bunched up beneath his doublet, but he paid this no mind. He pulled the hose up his legs, attached the codpiece to himself, then slipped on the coat and cuirass he had set aside for the ceremony. They felt tight against his bulging belly and buttocks, but he glanced the mirror and could say he was dressed. Feeling a measure of confidence, he set his hat on his head, adjusting the large feather so it floated proudly atop the hat, which stood at least twelve inches in the air. The ruff beneath it looked quite becoming, he thought. He then slapped some cologne on himself so he smelled presentable.  
  
Then he grabbed the letter, his plus-one, the gift, and was off.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: "Captain Caveman shots" refer to a punch in Masked_Man_2's karate class with no windup; you just stick your arm wildly out and hope you hit something. They're very weak punches.

_The previous night had been the bachelor party, a night of revels, where everyone had cast off their cares, had a few drinks, and let themselves have as much fun as they could before Iago was pronounced legally wedded to Emilia.  
  
Roderigo had been very much lost there. For much of the night, he found himself simply standing there, completely still, looking around and not knowing at all what to do. Iago was chatting and laughing with Othello and Cassio, all looking a bit tipsy, and Roderigo knew no one else there. No one else would talk to him. There were all amongst each other, in small clusters of intimate friends. Roderigo listened in on their conversations, but found he could not relate to any of them. He did not even know what half of them meant, especially those jokes about some strange bedroom activities.  
_  
_Not wanting to stand around here all night like a statue, though, he helped himself to a drink. He had never tried one before, but he figured this might as well be the time. Just lifting the cup to his lips already made him feel more a part of this event, and the first drop had barely slid down his throat when his vision blurred and he felt at once more relaxed, more loose and free._  
  
_He ventured further into the room, stumbling a little, when he spotted Iago and the others playing some card game and...taking their shirts off. Cassio had been the first to fling his off, his cheeks red from drink, and Montano had been next._  
  
_Roderigo's eyes widened. That was it, he realized. That was all he had to do._  
  
_He grabbed at his shirt with both hands then and tugged...but it didn't budge. He kept pulling at it, as hard as it could, drawing the gaze of some of those around him, but it wouldn't come off. He sighed then, and simply pulled it over his head and dropped his pants._  
  
_The room fell silent._  
  
_Roderigo was stark naked in the middle of it, with all eyes on him._  
  
_There were Iago and Othello and the others with their shirts open, but the rest of their clothes on and firm, hard muscles packed in their abdomens, sure to make any young woman swoon. And there Roderigo was, suddenly aware of his round, bulging belly and smallness down below._  
  
_Knowing that all the other eyes in the room were on this, too, he found himself desperately trying to think up some smart, snarky excuse to make everyone laugh and turn back to their activities._  
  
_"I-I-I-I h-have a s-six-pack, ok-kay? I...It's j-just...shy!"_  
  
_There was a moment of quiet, then some titters and snickers arose, though the guests clearly tried their hardest to hold them back. Some just let it loose and laughed out loud, followed by others, until almost the whole room was laughing. There were a few jabs and remarks thrown Roderigo's way, too._  
  
_"Sure, sure, we believe you! Hey, Cassio, test it out. Bet even he can handle your Captain Caveman shots," Montano jeered._  
  
_Cassio burst out laughing, as did several other guests. Roderigo collapsed onto the floor then in drunken tears, phlegm dripping from his nose, still naked and shivering._  
  
_But then Iago stepped forward, bless him. Relief came over Roderigo._  
  
_"What're you lot laughing at?" Iago boomed to the crowd, suddenly pulling his fly down. "Not as if mine's any better."_  
  
_But Roderigo could see even from where he was that Iago's definitely was. This only made the crowd cheer and laugh even harder. Roderigo thanked his lucky stars that he could feel the alcohol catching up to him and his vision darkened._  
  
_Before this, though, he faintly heard Iago mutter, "I didn't even want him here," then grinned and took out his phone, holding it up to Cassio uncapping a marker and pointing it towards Roderigo._

~

  
Roderigo was running around frantically now, searching far and wide for the church. The address must have been on the letter, but as he looked at it again, he still could not figure out what it said, in that strange, ornate language... Under the heat of the midday sun, Roderigo found himself faint and sweating, especially beneath his wedding attire. Strangely, the most moistened, and softest, area was around his rear.  
  
Then, after minutes, hours, Roderigo had no idea, he finally found it. Finally. At least...he hoped this was the one. Not even caring, he ran headlong towards it and burst through the doors.


	3. Chapter 3

The music stopped, and all eyes turned to Roderigo. They were mostly surprised and perplexed, but Iago had his  _"Yup, totally saw that coming"_  face on. Roderigo had been on the receiving end of it many times. Emilia did not look much more forgiving.  
  
It was really a lovely ceremony, the church draped in creamy white, a dainty porcelain vase holding delicate white lilies at the end of each pew, Iago looking sharper and crisper than ever as he awaited his bride, and Emilia a vision in her pure white wedding gown, where she stood frozen, having stopped from where she walked down the aisle with her father to be given away, and stared at Roderigo...  
  
And Roderigo stumbled then, knocking over one of the porcelain vases and causing a loud shatter to ring through the church, and the water to spill from it, leaving a dark stain as it flowed down the aisle.  
  
Flushed bright red with embarrassment, his body tense as he felt all eyes upon him, Roderigo carefully propped back up what remained of the broken vase and stepped over it to maneuver his way into the pew, as the other guests awkwardly shuffled aside to make room for him. The priest continued speaking, and Roderigo relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
...Until he noticed his tie was still askew.  
  
So soon, somehow, just after a wave of relief had crashed over him when the priest kept speaking, was he now cursing this moment. But...he knew he could do it...he was a grown man, he could adjust his own tie.  
  
He looked down at it, trying not to be too conspicuous in doing so, but found his stubby fingers fumbling with it. It was this way, right? Tuck it this way? Was it actually the other way? Wait, what did that even mean? Make two bunny ears, right? That must have been it. Just like his mother had told him as a boy.  
  
No, none of this was right. As much as it pained Roderigo, he could not do this himself. He needed help.  
  
But darn it, did the priest's lines ever end? He needed help here!  
  
"Uhmm--" he spoke up. But no one seemed to hear him.  
  
"P-Pardon me--" he tried again, still to no avail.  
  
He was hot with sweat and frantic now. Abandoning it all, he leapt from his seat and dashed down the aisle, begging someone, anyone, for help with his accursed tie, when he crashed into the priest, causing the small golden rings to go flying through the air, with one last glint as the sunlight caught them before they fell into the organ with a few hollow clicks through the tubes.


	4. Chapter 4

Silence fell over the church. All eyes were on Roderigo, again, the couple and the priest looking especially stern.  
  
 _Dammit_ , Roderigo thought to himself. Why had he done this? All because of a stupid tie? Well, now he had to finish what he had started. He knew what was expected of him.  
  
"I...I've got it," he quietly choked out.  
  
Then, trembling as he did, he walked over to the organ, opened the small door to the inside, and crawled in to search for the rings.  
  
Roderigo, of course, could not fit all the way in. His shoulders fit in fine, but he found that his hips were too wide and his belly too bulging for him to fit in beyond there. This was enough, though. He was sure he would find the rings and be hailed as a hero.  
  
It was quite dark and dusty in there, though. Roderigo found himself sneezing and eventually hacking up lumps of dust.  
  
"Are you alright in there, sir?" He heard the priest's faint voice from outside.  
  
"J-Just fine," Roderigo rasped.  
  
From outside, everyone was watching in tense, nervous anticipation. It was after Roderigo had been searching for several minutes and was starting to cough that a young, dark-haired female guest started to rush to his aid, but had barely taken a few steps before she was grabbed by the arm and held back by a man who must have been her husband, who looked at her sternly and seemingly possessively. She stilled then.  
  
Moments after that, though, a woman in the church choir found that the rings laid on the floor, and had not fallen in the organ but had struck the sides of the tubes instead of falling in them. She reached down, scooped up the rings in her hand, and returned them to the priest.  
  
Then, after a few more minutes of searching, Roderigo heard a heavy sigh and felt two firm arms close around his waist.  
  
" _Roderigo_ , you royal  _idiot_ , why am I always the one to pull you out of your  _own damn shitshows?!_ " what was undoubtedly Iago's voice hissed at him before giving him a good tug and sending him tumbling out of the organ.  
  
Roderigo crashed into the aisle of the church, taking a cloud of dust with him and knocking over another vase of flowers in the process, spilling cold water onto himself and yet more in the aisle. He was a complete mess now, his hair even more matted and crazy than before, his hat lost in the organ but the ruff still firmly around his forehead, the rest of him sweating and covered in dust.  
  
Feeling all eyes boring into him once again, he slowly stood, brushed himself off a bit, and returned to his seat in the pew, trying desperately, painfully, not to mess anything up again. By some miracle, he succeeded then.  
  
Maybe there was hope for him yet, he thought.  
  
"I now pronounce you husband and wife--"  
  
 ** _"UUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRP!"_**  
  
That was when all eyes turned to Roderigo yet again, as a resounding belch had blurted out of him and reverberated through the church, a cloud of soot billowing forth in its wake.  
  
As if he had read Roderigo's thoughts of there being hope for him yet, the look on Iago's face clearly spelled out the answer to that.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sort of a short chapter compared to the others. Buffet-style reception cus Iago and Emilia are cheap.
> 
> Credit for the dialogue in the second half of this (at the best man speech part) and the credit card bit goes to Masked_Man_2 XD

The rest of the ceremony had proceeded fairly smoothly, the crowd clapping and tossing money to Iago and Emilia after they were pronounced man and wife, yet another tradition Roderigo did not know or understand but flung his whole credit card at them.  
  
Next was the reception. Roderigo felt his whole self relax. This, at least, would be much more comfortable for him, without all the quietness and stillness and observances.  
  
**_Wait._**  
  
His best man speech.  
  
Roderigo's hands clutched at his chest, his stomach, his rear, as he searched himself for it, attracting the gaze of a few passing guests. Then he felt the crinkle of it in his jacket, relief washing over him as he did.  _Thank God._  The speech, that he had spent all night on, was there.  
  
Emilia's father was still clearly harried and disturbed by Roderigo's disastrous entrance, his body tense and his forehead beaded with sweat.  
  
"So, ermmm, Iago..." he started, trying desperately to ease some of the tension. "How do you know this young man...? From school?"  
  
Iago looked up. "Oh, no," he replied, seeming strangely composed as he helped himself to a cup of champagne. "Back then he was over at the local hog school."  
  
Emilia's father nodded. "Ah." He found himself even more perturbed now, though.  
  
Emilia's mother, however, was livid. "It's a  _sign!_ " she was insisting. "I told you not to marry that no-good lowlife soldier! This is what you get for not listening to me!"  
  
Emilia could only sigh in dismay of what her wedding had become.  
  
Roderigo, meanwhile, was staring at the table nervously. They didn't have peanut butter and jelly?  
  
He stole a quick glance at what the person next to him was piling onto his plate. It looked like...some kind of meat, some fluffy stuff, and these weird vegetable things. And a cup of that weird-smelling clear stuff. Roderigo just helped himself to the same.  
  
A few courses and several cups of champagne later, it was time for the best man's speech. As the guests applauded, Roderigo shot up in his seat...along with Othello.  
  
The men stood, staring across the room at each other, Roderigo in blank confusion and something he couldn't discern from Othello's expression. He had barely taken his speech from his pocket and unfolded it when Iago and Emilia rushed to his side.  
  
"Roderigo!" Iago whispered. "What are you doing? You're not the best man!"  
  
"What? But...I  _am!_ " Roderigo said.  
  
"No, you're not. Othello is," Iago explained.  
  
"What-- What are you talking about? You said I was!" Roderigo insisted.  
  
Iago narrowed his eyes. "No. I didn't."  
  
"B-but I am!" Roderigo was fairly sputtering now.  
  
"...No. No, Roderigo, you're not," Iago said slowly, trying to stay calm.  
  
"But you PROMISED meeee!" Roderigo whinged.  
  
"When?!" Iago asked incredulously.   
  
"Um...you...when...." Roderigo stammered.  
  
Iago's patience was running thin. "You don't remember, do you? You know why? Because I NEVER BLOODY ASKED YOU. Got that?"  
  
"...Got what?" Roderigo squeaked.  
  
"RODERIGO." Emilia snapped suddenly. "YOU ARE NOT IAGO'S BEST MAN. Now sit down and eat your damn steak."  
  
A few guests tittered. A deep red blush spread over Roderigo's face as he slumped into his seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The hog school thing is a joke between Masked_Man_2 and me when we were brainstorming for this...she meant to say "high school" but accidentally typed "hog school," and I was like "Betcha Roderigo went there XD" so...this happened XD XD XD


	6. Chapter 6

Later, the music came on...and Roderigo had no one to dance with.  
  
Well, almost.  
  
He reached into his pocket...  
  
Wait.  
  
Where was she?!  
  
"WHERE'S LIMONCELLOTINA?!" he shouted out, catching the attention of every last guest in the room, each one of them with a perplexed and confused look on their face.  
  
"Who?" some of them asked.  
  
"My plus-one!" Roderigo moaned. "I can't find her!"  
  
The guests parted different ways then, looking for the mysterious woman of Roderigo's that not one of them recognized by name.  
  
Their search proved fruitless after several minutes, much to Roderigo's distress.  
  
But then Emilia hurried across the room with something in her hand and an unamused look on her face.  
  
"Is this your plus-one, Roderigo?"  
  
She held up her hands and opened them to reveal, sitting in her palms, a small rock with a little curly wig on top of it, two plastic eyes glued on, a bow tie, and a tiny dress with little ruffles on the hem.  
  
"Yes!" Roderigo rushed over and took the rock from her, cradling it between his hands. "Are you ok, Limoncellotina?"  
  
The guests dispersed then, clearly still perplexed and whispering to each other. Roderigo felt his face flush again. He was not going to stand there and dance with his pet rock in front of all of them.  
  
He carefully slipped through the crowd, his head still swimming a bit from all that champagne, but it seemed that every female guest had a partner with her. Until...he noticed a girl with long dark hair in a light pink dress, having just finished talking with Emilia.  
  
"Uh, uh, uhmm..." he stammered.  
  
The girl turned to him, her eyes wide with curiosity.  
  
"W-w-would y-you...like to d-dance?" he requested, his speech a bit slurred.  
  
She giggled a little and gave him a small smile. "Sure."  
  
Trying to not show his relief and excitement too much, Roderigo placed his hands around the girl's waist as she rested hers around his shoulders, and they started to dance.  
  
He was so proud of himself. He had asked a girl to dance with him! And she had accepted! He found himself stepping on her feet multiple times and leaning on her for dear life, sure, but things were going great. He let his hands slide just a teensy bit lower past her hips, surely she wouldn't mind--  
  
Then a large fist punched him square in the face and sent him flying across the room. With a splash of cold red liquid soaking him, Roderigo realized he'd landed in the punch bowl.  
  
He looked up to face Othello glaring at him from beside the girl, and the silent stare of yet again many guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to Masked_Man_2 for coming up with Limoncellotina's name XD


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Masked_Man_2 wanted a chapter update, so...XD Thanks to her for helping out with the flashback scene :D
> 
> These chapters always end up short enough that I could very well combine this whole thing into a one-shot...lol

The guests stood and stared for what felt like a long while, then awkwardly shuffled away, some turning and whispering to each other.  
  
"Oh great, that silly boy is causing drunken fights now," one murmured with a sigh.  
  
The girl that Roderigo had been dancing with talked to her husband, he took her aside for a kiss, then they disappeared into a closet.  
  
"Why did we even invite this guy?" Iago moaned to his new bride.  
  
" _You_ invited him, remember?" She smirked.

  
  
~

  
  
_Emilia's head was swimming and her vision blurred just slightly, probably from the drinks she'd had with Desdemona earlier. Still, she tried to sneak as quietly as she could into her bedroom, where her husband was already asleep.  
_  
_She cracked the door open just wide enough for herself to fit through, very slowly so it would not creak too much, then slipped through. She could barely see in the darkness that encapsulated the room, but managed to make her way to the bed and carefully slide into it.  
_  
_She had only laid a hand on her husband's shoulder then when--  
  
"WHAT."  
  
Without even moving, he had suddenly growled this into the pillow he laid facedown on, startling Emilia so she drew back and gasped slightly.  
_  
_Still slightly dizzy from drink, she slurred, "I, uhmm-- I was wondering if you wanted to invite Roderigo to the wedding."  
  
"The what?" he grumbled, face still in the pillow.  
  
"The wedding," Emilia repeated.  
  
"You'd better be joking."  
  
"Do you want to invite him or not?"  
  
"...Okay."  
_  
~  
  
Iago sighed. "Did I really say that?"  
  
"You did." Emilia looked a little too smug.  
  
"I'm not sure how much I believe you."  
  
Emilia shrugged and took a sip of champagne.  
  
That was when Michael Cassio approached her to bid her congratulations, not so much as glancing at Iago, both the lieutenant and Iago's bride looking a little too excited in each other's company. Iago watched them carefully, especially when Cassio lifted Emilia's hand to kiss it.  
  
That was when he smirked at Iago, his cheeks flushed from drink as he lifted his head from Emilia's hand, and said, "I kiss the instrument of your pleasures."  
  
Both the bride and groom were silent for a beat, then Emilia coughed and said lightheartedly, "Uhmm, I'm married now--"  
  
But she got no further when Iago's fist careened into Cassio, sending him now flying into the punch bowl, the contents of which were now emptied from the second assault it had taken. Though some turned towards the scene, most of the guests now seemed unsurprised and unperturbed by the commotion.  
  
Iago stood in place for a few moments, then his brow furrowed as he realized something.  
  
Turning to his wife, he asked, "Wait...who invited _him?_ "


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's done! :D My first finished literary series here and it's a crackfic, wow...XD 
> 
> In case any fans of anime as well as Shakespeare are reading this, yes, that is a Gintama reference you see XD And an Omkara reference XD 
> 
> Happy Thanksgiving! ^_^

Roderigo had seemed...well...a bit traumatized after the not one, but _two_ , beatings he had taken that had sent him flying into the punch bowl. He was sopping everywhere he trudged, his suit -- nay, his entire self -- stained bright red with punch.  
  
Trying desperately to lighten the mood, Emilia whispered to Desdemona, "He looks like the Kool-Aid Man."  
  
Desdemona snorted with a sudden spurt of laughter, prompting a few more guests to snicker in agreement, as Roderigo looked on with wide, sad eyes not unlike those of a kicked red puppy.  
  
After half a glass more of champagne, though, he seemed to be in better spirits...more so, in fact, than some guests who were on their fifth drink. However, he kept slipping on the dance floor from where he had dripped punch onto it and faceplanting spectacularly. After several times, including tripping over his own feet repeatedly and crashing into a floor lamp and ending up with the lampshade on his head, he took to climbing onto a table and dancing there, where it could now be plainly seen that he was dancing wildly, kicking out in every direction, flailing more than dancing. The lampshade wobbled on his head as he did, which he paid no mind at all. He also sung, in slurred, garbled words, some strange Celtic song...very loudly. It seemed as if he was singing one line over again, for what was definitely at least several minutes on end.  
  
This continued as a man passed out glow sticks for some of the guests' children, who cheered in excitement and made hula hoops and headbands out of them. When Roderigo caught sight of this, he hooted for the man's attention and waved his arms. The man looked perplexed, but extended his arm, which held the large rings of glow sticks, to Roderigo for him to take one.  
  
Roderigo took at least five, his every limb now glowing wildly as he danced like a sheer madman.  
  
"Now he looks like a disco ball," Emilia deadpanned.  
  
"Emilia, please," Desdemona laughed, her cheeks just slightly flushed from drink.  
  
**_RRRRRRRRRRRRIP!_**  
  
The room fell silent for...Emilia had lost count by now. All eyes turned instantly to Roderigo...  
  
Whose pants had ripped.  
  
Emilia had never noticed until now what a...vastness he had behind, especially compared to his smallness in front... There was a large gash down the middle of his rear, where his pants parted widely. Around the edges of the rip were his bright pink underwear with hot dog print on it.  
  
But...  
  
His underwear was ripped too.  
  
Emilia had to look twice. She glanced quickly beside her, to see that Desdemona's jaw had dropped.  
  
In plain sight now, which all the guests stood gaping at, where a bare butt on any other man would be...for Roderigo, was an afro with a part down the middle.  
  
He had a butt afro for all to see.  
  
And presumably he didn't know what had just happened, perhaps because his butt hair was so thick he felt no breeze even now that it was exposed, for he just kept on dancing and singing.  
  
Then he turned around and yelled, "COME ON, EVERYBODY!" as he stage-dived into the guests gathered around the table he was on.  
  
They moved aside and he landed flat on the floor with a _thud_.

 

 

~

  
"So, like, what _does_ happen on the wedding night? I've heard _so much_ about it!" Roderigo asked later.  
  
Iago and Emilia were silent for a beat, glancing quickly at each other, then Iago replied, "I'll tell you when you're older, lad."  
  
"Nuh-uh! Tell me!" Roderigo insisted. "Please! Please, please, please?"  
  
Iago sighed. "Fine. Come on with me."  
  
Practically bouncing, Roderigo did so as Iago led him to the balcony, away from the others.  
  
"So? What happens?" he asked excitedly.  
  
Iago stepped toward where Roderigo stood at the edge of the balcony, leaning his face close to him. Roderigo's eyes widened and he held his breath, gasping a little as Iago reached downward--  
  
Then pushed him over the edge with his other hand.  
  
**"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
_SPLASH._**  
  
"Uhm, Iago, who's now my _husband?_ What do you think you're doing?" came a familiar female voice.  
  
"Trying to prove a point, love, that's all," Iago said, watching as Roderigo sputtered and flailed below in the foot of water he seemed to think he was drowning in.  
  
"And did you prove it?" Emilia crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"Would he be down there if I had?"  
  
Emilia walked over to the edge beside her husband. "...True."  
  
Iago snickered under his breath.  
  
"Did you see those...err...sea monkeys he gifted us?" Emilia asked.  
  
Iago sighed. "Yup."  
  
"I...may or may not have given them a home in the pond." A devious smile crept up the edge of Emilia's lips.  
  
"That's my girl." Iago smirked in turn and kissed her on the temple.

 

 

~ _Fin_ ~


End file.
